Reminiscing

I am trying to get some emotions out this morning. You know, crying.

My Grandmother is not doing so well. I am not so sad that my Grandmother is leaving this earth, I am more sad that a whole part of my life is ending.  ETA: I just realized while rereading that this part sounded really crude. I said the above because my Grandparents were married for 55+ years when my Grandfather died. She wanted nothing more than to join him in heaven. She had a very hard grieving time. Hope that clarifies the above!

Many of us have wonderful childhood memories. Some might have not so wonderful memories. Mine were mostly wonderful, up to my senior year in high school when I became a different person. Not that I don't have good memories, I have some great memories. I also have some not so great. Think, too much alcohol, amongst other things, cop cars and getting kicked out of the house. Yeah, some not so great decisions that I made. I also know I am the only person in the world that has made bad decisions right? NOT. It is all a part of learning. I still laugh when I hear adults try and tell younger kids to just "take my word, learn from my experience." HA…it's so comical now because teens and young adults really do know it all! Yeah right. 

Back to the point. I have awesome memories of my Grandmother and Grandfathers place. They lived next door for most of my school years. They had a nice big place with a pool, tennis courts, stables and horses, and of course, Mod, the donkey.  My Grandfather often took me to work up the street at McDonalds when I turned 15. My Grandmother took each of us girls shopping every Easter for a new dress. Every Christmas all the kids, their four children, their spouses and the grandkids would gather at their house on Christmas Eve. My Grandfather usually made something, whether it be a shelf, a bench or a small chair to hold the porcelan  doll all of us girls got one year. And when I say all of us girls, I mean the seven or eight Granddaughters then, now it is 12 I think. My Grandmother usually had us all something to go on the shelves, benches, etc. 

It was hard this morning to hear that she is not doing well, as in I hope she makes it till we go visit next week, in Atlanta. 

My Grandfather passed away almost ten years ago. We lived in California at the time and I was 38 weeks pregnant with Marcus. Obviously I was not traveling to Tennessee in that shape. I don't think I fully absorbed the grieving like the rest of the family because I was not there. My Grandfather had a stroke while at the podium preaching his own mothers funeral. It was bittersweet because all of this children and other family was right there. He passed immediately. 

With my Grandmother preparing to meet him, it will be closure to the old family times we had. For a while I have known it would never be like that, but now I feel like Christmas won't be the same without everyone joining around where she is. I am sure a lot of you can relate. I am a realist and know that this is life. It happens. But I also think grieving is inevitable and important to go through too. 

I have been a little emotional with the holidays approaching and this will be the first Christmas ever without my while family doing something around that time. We usually draw names and get together within the month. I might just have to try and plan something. My parents are not coming home this year since they were just here for my brothers wedding. They live overseas. 

I am determined to make the best of it with my children and family that is here. I love the holidays and while it won't be the same, it will still be great!

My Grandmother with cousin and my brother last Christmas.